SPONSORS OF DAVE

SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES 

… says the television trail for the new Jeremy Clarkson book. Not all that surprising I suppose, disheartening but then so much is, it hardly seems getting worked up about. Although – what does he mean exactly? I assume he would rather stick pencils in his eyes that watch a Shakespeare work. But maybe not? 

What if he means he would rather stick pencils in his eyes than deny people the works of Shakespeare? It’s unlikely but let’s imagine – it is possible that the sentence is a truncated part of the minutes of a meeting Clarkson attended at a school or college of higher education. Could it have read…

“What are you talking about man? You can take such an important subject off the national curriculum. I won’t let you remove SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES. Hammond, tell him.”

Possible. 

One last scenario - it’s the future and Clarkson is visiting a genetic clinic in an attempt to stave off death. After making his fortune selling books with fruity titles such as “Born to Riled” and “And Another Thing” he has decided to spend his wealth on a new body. Looking through the catalogue he discovers the novelty section, full of ducks, pop stars, robin hood and the like. Que a muttered “SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES.” A comment not on the authors work but rather his stature.