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william andrews

My name is William Andrews; I’m an enthusiast, variously employed as a comedian and/or actor.

I write comedy and make videos & films; sometimes they let me on the telly/radio/stage. At the moment, i'm the boy in Anna & Katy

I think we should stay in touch. Stick your email in the box below and very very occasionally, I’ll tell you what I’m up to.

Thanks



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WOW!

4:18 PM | Posted by WILLIAM

Just a short note to say... Look at the head on that!

Might not be funny to you, but that cost me £3:50 - Some things are just too funny to get angry about.

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Monsieur Bat

10:04 AM | Posted by WILLIAM
Chauve souris is the French for Bat – literally - “Bald Mouse”.

I’m not sure that’s exactly what I would liken a bat to. “Bald Mouse” wouldn’t sum it up for me. I’d go with something like “angry flying rat”.

Hmm; what’s French for “leather nightmare bullet” or “evolution dodger” or “biting umbrella”?

The Cigar Smoking bat

The Laughing bat
That Bat
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Street scene #2

10:59 PM | Posted by WILLIAM

DAD:
Right son, we had to come up with a name for the shop.

SON:
Ok dad, what did you think?

DAD:
Tooty fruity.

SON:
Brilliant.

DAD:
Sure?

SON:
Yeah. Really good - lets have a look at the design

DAD
There. It’s got an ice-cream, a kebab and a coffee cup.

SON:
Hmmm

DAD:
Hmmm?

SON:
Well, that’s not how you spell tooty.

DAD:
What?

SON:
That’s tout-y

DAD:
No - that’s how you say tooty. Look - just like fruity. Tooty fruity.

SON:
No dad, that’s tout-y fruity. Or - er. Tout-y frout -y

There is a silence

SON: (CONT'D)
Dad?

DAD:
Why don’t you just fuck off to college big smarty pants.

SON:
what? Eh?

DAD:
How do spell NVQ son? eh? Tell me that, trainee hair dresser, tell me that.

SON:
Dad?

Big pause

DAD:
Sorry son. Sorry. It’s just we, well, we already had it made.

SON:
Ahh.

DAD:
Yeah.

Big pause

SON:
Well, don't look so glum. Lets sort out that fringe.




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Street scene

4:06 PM | Posted by WILLIAM
DAD
Right son, we got to come up with a name for the shop.

SON
Ok dad, what about Angelos clothing?

DAD
Hmm maybe. A bit unoriginal. We need something that suggests quality. Hmm. yes, it should be something Italian, but something unusual. So anyway I did a bit of poking around in the family history and came up with this...

SON
Ha ha ha

DAD
Why you laughing?

SON
Well..

DAD
Is a very noble name, is an old family name. Why you laugh?

SON
Sorry dad, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

DAD
You little bastard. Maybe when you are the head of this family you can decide these things, but until then, it will be I who ensures we are respected in this community.



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Is This ok?

3:39 PM | Posted by WILLIAM

Is this what they mean by the confidence of the rich? Is this a rich kid thing? Are there fancy dress parties in Hampstead fit to burst with Toilets and Nazis?
If I had gone to a party dressed like this when I was 9… It might have started ok. But it wouldn’t have ended ok.
see it here http://bigflysports.com/Toilet-Child-Costume-Kids-Costumes/M/B001MU0EO4.htm?traffic_src=GB&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=GB&id=uk
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The Circus can't come to Town

4:18 PM | Posted by WILLIAM

If I see one more “edgy” cabaret performer use an angle grinder on her metal bikini like it’s the most amazing thing in the fucking world, then I’m calling the National Benefit Fraud Hotline and reporting her boyfriend – he’s the creative genius who hangs shit on hooks in his nipples.

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TEAM WONDERFUL

1:12 PM | Posted by WILLIAM
So I bought a website  www.Teamwonderful.co.uk  just because it was the most positive name I could think of

Until i work out what to do with it Team Wonderful has a holding position. I think they call it a “Soft Launch”. But “they” talk a lot of rubbish.

Team Leader - William
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Pimms People

6:28 PM | Posted by WILLIAM
We went to the Henley Regatta the other day. Wow. Wow.

We went there to meet some really lovely people and their kids, they had brought a picnic, I brought my prejudices. I tired really hard to leave them behind but they came anyway. 

Here’s some snaps I took. Look at them closely. See if you can see any black people. Or indeed anyone with a dark skin that wasn’t self applied. It’s like Where's Wally, if Wally was Afro –Caribbean.





I did find one guy. He was selling burgers.
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Losing Maisy

6:10 PM | Posted by WILLIAM
Learning to understand how patient’s mental health issues impact on their ability to lead their lives is often complex and difficult.

Case studies may help improve our understanding of the social implications of mental health Issues.

The following are single line summations of the events that took place over six months that led to the eventual sectioning of a Patient known as “Maisy”.
  1. Is This Maisy's House?
  2. Where does Maisy Live?
  3. Where are Maisy’s friends?
  4. Where is Maisy?
  5. Where is Maisy’s Panda?
  6. Maisy’s Mix – and – Match Mousewear.
Oh. no. Shit. Sorry. They are children books. Shit. Really sorry about that. Erm. Yeah. Sorry everyone.



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HUNGRY?

11:32 AM | Posted by WILLIAM
This is a picture of my Mrs. - not that remarkable other than it looks like she has a plectrum in her mouth. But this is not about her - she is a photographic casualty of my attempts to (at speed) photograph the Chinese restaurant in the back ground.


Would you eat there? Could you eat there? What was the logic behind the naming?

"Right guys –we want a name that is in turn glamorous and unpretentious. Think crystal hoover, or platinum door knob, maybe diamond drying rack - you get what i mean – but make it sound Chinesey - even if the name means poo to some people.  Remember, this is not just a bar and a resturant - this is a night club, we want a name that says "dance""

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