SALTCOATS

After the most incredible Chinese meal i have eaten in my mouth i got a cab and the angry man silent treatment back to my hotel near Buchannan bus station. Glasgow at night switches from epic and orange lit to orange lit and threatening on an epic scale.

Two girls went past were i was standing, both about 17. One was large with a booze stained white hoody on and a black hold all that she could have hidden in; the other was a tiny weegie princess with a wheely case, glossy shopping bags and heels. The girl in the white, Shona, suddenly just dropped the case and said

SHONA
Fuck this Christine. Am no carrying this any mare.

CHRISTENE
C'mon Shona. It's just up there.

SHONA
Ah canny. I just canny.

My training given to me by the north easts most laughable private school kicked in 


WILLIAM
Er. Can i help you with your bag at all?

SHONA
Aye, cheers mate. Just tae the bus station

CHRISTENE
Shona, hes talking to me.

WILLIAM
Bloody hell, thats heavy.

SHONA
Got a cigarette mate

WILLIAM
No. You going to Edinburgh?

SHONA
Na. Ireland.

WILLIAM
It's just, it's past midnight. I don't think there are anymore buses.

SHONA
Ah fucking told you Christene.

WILLIAM
How are you getting to Ireland?

CHRISTENE
We're not mate, we missed it. We got drunk. We've got tae get back tae Saltcoats. Have you got a cigarette? 

WILLIAM
No.Saltcoats? Isn't that miles away?

SHONA
Are you American?

WILLIAM
No.

SHONA
Where are you staying?

WILLIAM
Er, well - just in there, the Park in.

SHONA
How much is that?

WILLIAM
I don't know. I didn't pay for it.

SHONA
You got it for free?

WILLIAM
No. I mean, someone else paid for it. Its for work.

CHRISTENE
You work there?

WILLIAM
No.

SHONA
(shouting at a woman in a high vis tabard)
HOW. MRS BUS MAN. HOW DO WE GET A BUS TAE SALTCOATS.

MRS BUS MAN
UNION STREET.

SHONA
Fuck sake. Union street.

CHRISTENE
Union street

WILLIAM
Do you know where that is?

CHRISTENE
Aye. Union street.

SHONA
Ah know. Just follow me.

WILLIAM
Right, its just, well I better be getting back.

SHONA
Just a bit more mate.

WILLIAM
Right.

I carried it for a bit more and then told them i had to go. I had to load it on to her back so the handle went across her shoulders, she looked like the saddest donkey i ever saw.

I did feel bad about leaving them, mostly because i couldn’t really work out how old they were. I’m pretty sure they would be ok but maybe there were running away? Who know their story; It did briefly occur to me at one point to see if they could stay at the hotel were i was.  I imagine the subsequent conversation with anna wouldn’t have gone well - 


WILLIAM
Hi Anna, never guess what happened to me last night.

ANNA
What?

WILLIAM
Well, it was after midnight, and i'd had a drink. Anyway, these two young girls went past with a heavy bag, completely wasted they were. Anyway long story short, I let them sleep in my hotel room - all of us! In the same Bed! Ha ha ha, can you imagine! Just doing my bit. Felt good y’know?