I often miss Scotland. I miss the air, the space; I miss tap water that doesn’t taste like there’s skin in it.

Yes i had my life threatened there, yes it was unwise to leave my flat after 7pm; there is some causal violence in Glasgow but at least it’s causal.

There is no “casual” violence in London. It’s very much on purpose.

If i go home late on a bus in London, and there’s two guys talking loudly about knives i think ‘I’m going to die,’ If that happened in Glasgow I’d think “I’m hanging out with the guys”.

In Glasgow I saw an old lady stop and pick up a glove she’d found and say “oh dear that’s someone lost a glove.” The only people picking up gloves in London aren’t managing their treatment. I’d never pick up a glove here; it might have a hand it in.

Londoners are in a constant state of barely concealed panic. All they talk about is travel and accommodation. Where are you from and how did you get there. It’s like they’re planning an escape route.

I miss a lot of things, my friends, the nights out, being called “will-yum.”

To fair though London does have the royal festival hall, and my wife, so, you know, swings and roundabouts.