WILLIAM ANDREWS

DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE DAN

2010-02-23T18:20:00.001Z

Solders of web two point ohh, lend me your eyes. I have not been in this fair city for long, but have grown to love its mutated embrace. I still do not, however, know many of its inhabitants and so it is to you I come for help.

Let me type this in upper case so you know the strength of thought. I BEG OF YOU, YES YOU, please, if you could, just mention, casually, in passing, to everyone you meet from this second forward that my show NITWIT is on this week at the SOHO theatre. It begins at 8pm and is on the 25^th, 26^th and 27^th.

IF you call the box office and say “TEAM WONDERFUL” then a ticket will set you back a mere 8 pounds.

For this I will be forever grateful.

Yours with deep sincerity

William King of William

THIS IS WONDERVISION

2010-02-08T16:09:00.000Z

So, the lovely David Armand and Objective TV got a few of us together to make sketches... Here's one, waddayouthink?? Warning, it's a bit rude.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/extra/video/p006cc0f

NITWIT IN SOHO

2010-01-25T13:50:00.000Z

I have continually to remind myself that these videos i make are all part of being a small business and are not simply ego support objects. Maybe they are both. Who cares.

Here's another - It's an advert, but, in a good way.

Please watch and share and comment and rate and favorite and come and I shall be in charge by sundown.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaIh5r5lA6g

INTERVENTION

2010-01-16T19:31:00.000Z

A good friend of mine wrote me to say stop it with the twitter and face book –he also said I was “scraping the comedy barrel for a flicker of recognition.” I think he might be right. (The irony of blogging it is not lost )

My excuse is – my other half is at a sunny festival of culture performing an award winning play on the other side of the world so I’m bored. I , however, have been watching the telly with my laptop on my – well – lap - and last night, I ate a fray bentos pie.

Have you ever tasted one? Like cat food. I followed each bite with a cherry tomato. For my health. For my health.

KIM NOBLE

2009-12-31T13:00:00.000Z

Went to see KIM NOBLE WILL DIE last night. But before I type any opinions – recent mini reviews of my work and of Anna’s work have been discovered via search engines - the proponents of which got all blushy when we contacted them which is rich; if you heard yourself being slagged off in a room, you’d go over and do something - Just because it’s the internet, don’t expect people to do nothing. Well I want you to know Mr Noble, if you’re reading this I am willing to defend it to the core.

The preamble may be academic though, I really think his show is brilliant. It’s a genuinely uncomfortable hour of incredible creativity that made you feel engaged, sticky, sad, and behind his eyes at points. People warned me that you might not be able to get certain aspects of it out of your head and they were right – to the extent that it prevented me saying anything to him afterwards.

We stayed at the SOHO and saw THE PYJAMA MEN which was incredibly competent show performed by some incredible talents but I just couldn’t engage with it after seeing Noble’s.

Suffice it to say Mr Noble is, in my opinion, a comedy hero. His work sets a bar and proves that maxims can be ignored to great effect. It’s inspirational and perspirational and I recommend it highly (don’t go with your mother)

Will & Greg & Urine

2009-12-20T18:28:00.000Z

Did I mention, we are recording a radio pilot for BBC radio 4? We did our first live gig for ages last night at 100 club hosted by the inimitable Dan Clark as sort of a preamble. Results = still got it.

On another note - i saw a man with blue hair pee onto a blue urinal cake making it dissolve and appear that he was pissing the colour off his hair. I maybe shouldn't have commented, I normally wouldn't, I'm really not that guy.

To dream – perchance to sleep

2009-12-17T14:49:00.000Z

Dreams are normally only interesting to the person who dreamed them – so keeping it short…

Me, Josie long (who I know only very very slightly) plan a stand up gig underground in a tube tunnel. It looks great – though a bit terrifying. We put chairs out – I come up with the funniest joke in the world…

Q: What’s a leotard?

A: A person with learning difficulties who’s into astrology.

Not bad for a dream – though Jimmy Carr did a joke about uni-tards being one-legged mentals or something similar so half a point.

But – that’s not even the joke – no – the joke is –and bear with me, as the dream Josie did incredibly patiently…

Consider these two points

1. A leotard is the result of the desire for a woman to be able to move un-hindered, (most commonly in dance or aerobics.)

2. It’s revealing nature means that it may be sexualised by the viewer.

My conclusion (or dream punch line)

The leotard is therefore a physical embodiment the front line of socio sexual politics.

Boom Boom

Yeah – she didn’t laugh either but – I find it remarkable that I can have such a thought while sleeping.

JOKE PARTY

2009-12-14T14:32:00.000Z

Things are looking hopeful for a group gig at the Wilmington Arms. And what a group! Stay-informed folks.

2^ND FEB 2^ND MAR 6^TH APRIL

WHERE ARE THE WILD THINGS?

2009-12-12T00:59:00.000Z

So we are sitting - living room style. A mouse walks in. Stops, looks at me. Tries to act casual but is a dreadful actor and clearly senses a sort of fatal awkwardness. It runs and hides behind Eastenders.

Consequently Eastenders loses its appeal so we went out to see "Where the Wild Things Are", to give the mouse a chance to get it together and move on. We hope it took the opportunity.

STUPID VIDEO

2009-12-11T13:56:00.000Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVK6Gnhtzmg

SO I MADE THIS VIDEO. THAT IS ALL REALLY - JUST TRYING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW.

SORRY IF YOU ALREADY DID.

CONFIDENCE BOOST

2009-12-04T23:12:00.003Z

I have a casting coming up for a part playing an ex paratrooper. I’m a bit worried it might not be for me. Sensing this – my girlfriend said, “well, he’s an ex – paratrooper, maybe his muscles have wasted a bit”. All you need is love people, all you need is love.

SPONSORS OF DAVE

2009-12-03T12:42:00.000Z

SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES

… says the television trail for the new Jeremy Clarkson book. Not all that surprising I suppose, disheartening but then so much is, it hardly seems getting worked up about. Although – what does he mean exactly? I assume he would rather stick pencils in his eyes that watch a Shakespeare work. But maybe not?

What if he means he would rather stick pencils in his eyes than deny people the works of Shakespeare? It’s unlikely but let’s imagine – it is possible that the sentence is a truncated part of the minutes of a meeting Clarkson attended at a school or college of higher education. Could it have read…

“What are you talking about man? You can take such an important subject off the national curriculum. I won’t let you remove SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES. Hammond, tell him.”

Possible.

One last scenario - it’s the future and Clarkson is visiting a genetic clinic in an attempt to stave off death. After making his fortune selling books with fruity titles such as “Born to Riled” and “And Another Thing” he has decided to spend his wealth on a new body. Looking through the catalogue he discovers the novelty section, full of ducks, pop stars, robin hood and the like. Que a muttered “SHAKESPEARE – ID RATHER STICK PENCILS IN MY EYES.” A comment not on the authors work but rather his stature.

A KICK IN THE FUR BALLS

2009-11-24T20:55:00.003Z

It's one thing for man to make life incredibly hard for the polar bear but it takes the (penguin) biscuit to exploit the creature for an advert for the canary islands tourist board

Watch and feel the bile rise - because we are all going to hell people, we are all going to hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO9BGIQSD0o

HOW CLEAN IS YOUR HOUSE?

2009-11-22T14:18:00.000Z

Have you seen this show? Its a very entertaining look at depression and mental illness framed by two cartoon women who jolly along amongst the personal detritus of the distressed and disenfranchised. Really great. Yeah. Just great. Brilliant.

THE NEWS

2009-11-20T22:04:00.000Z

Tragedy strikes in Cumbria as events are too sad to laugh when saying "Cockermouth"

THANK GOD FOR SIGNS

2009-11-19T13:30:00.002Z

BECAUSE IF IT WASN'T THERE I JUST WOULD HAVE. I JUST WOULD HAVE. I JUST WOULD

DR HUNGER CAFE

2009-11-18T16:19:00.005Z

I have a folder on my desktop to collect scraps of ideas that may in be worth typing about. In the folder were couple of pictures of a café in north London. Every since moving south I have become fascinated by odd business names which I see (with my inbuilt prejudices) as the result of someone whose first language is not English, trying to exploit UK commercial marketing semantics that even natives find baffling. See http://www.teamwonderful.co.uk/2009/07/street-scene-2.html and http://www.teamwonderful.co.uk/2009/07/street-scene.html and http://www.teamwonderful.co.uk/2009/07/hungry.html

So, “Dr Hunger Café”; as in a café owned by a Doctor who cures hunger? Maybe, but then It should read “Dr. Hunger’s Café”.

Is café a coincidentally apt second name for a physician who jacked it in to fry eggs for a living?

Or should it be read with an assumed “the” prefix. “The Dr. Hunger café” is maybe then, a set of ideas. At the heart of which the concept of “Hunger” is given an authority by bestowing it a doctorate. Is this art? What is this?

And then I noticed I had photo-shopped a little picture of Jude Law in the wing mirror, something I have very little memory of doing.

LIPSTICK ON YOUR COLLAR

2009-11-16T21:56:00.001Z

They are showing it again - can't help watch it without thinking of an interview he did with Bragg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnVrK38xI-A

It really affected me at the time. I promised myself i would find out more about pennies from heaven and singing detective - never got round to it...

TORN MOTHS

2009-11-15T17:14:00.000Z

What moth is this? We have them kicking about the house. They look broken. Their wings look torn. Hmm

PHIL JUPITUS

2009-11-14T14:44:00.000Z

He twittered my Comedy store video and loads of folk went and watched it.

Isn't that modern? Isn't that nice?

What's even stranger is that night we went to the pub and he was sat there, in the corner.

I'm a fan of Coincidence, and Phill Jupitus so went over and said thanks.

What a nice day.

OLD BLOGS

2009-11-05T12:42:00.001Z

I just read a whole ream of writing i did in 2004. Very odd. Quite aggressive but very creative. Exciting to read and also a bit depressing because i don't really write like that anymore. My stuff now does tend to be tempered with the thoughts of "well, why bother - no one's going to let you have an elephant in a sitcom." Shame really.

On the plus side, my room is tidier...

JOKE

2009-09-20T00:39:00.000+01:00

I WENT ON ONE OF THOSE MOVING WALKWAYS - DIDN'T CRY ONCE.

THANK YOU

2009-09-07T14:26:00.005+01:00

HELLO – I WANTED TO WRITE TO SAY THANKS TO ALL THOSE THAT MADE MY SHOW NITWIT HAPPEN THIS YEAR. In particular the good good people of JUST FOR LAUGHS LIVE and TROIKA, the PLEASANCE THEATRE, IDIL SUKAN, CHRIS GEORGE and of course, the unflinching members the audience.

Here's little clip for all you sensation hunters

If you can’t see the image – here are those reviews again – get ready to glow inside. Oooh.

THE TIMES: **** So all hail the comedians you could never clone. William Andrews’ mix of standup, sketches and let’s call it performance art bursts with ideas.

TIMEOUT: **** William Andrew’s show is a miraculous little box of delights. Stunningly creative, it is the perfect marriage of technological wizardry and pitch perfect comedy performance. Andrews is destined to become one of the best comedic actors of his generation.

THE LIST:**** THREE WEEKS:**** SCOTSGAY: **** ONE4REVIEW: **** BROADWAY BABY: ****

TODAY

2009-08-20T16:36:00.000+01:00

Comedian’s in Edinburgh blog considerably about “what happened today”. Not a unique approach in the world of digital publishing but it has always mystified me a bit. Funny people flexing their banality muscle. Odd.

My turn.

I get up and wash off remnants of food, hair product etc. Some new food goes in next with some hot drinks of either type then out dorsy clothes are applied and bus gold is sourced. Then stairs, repetitive but reliable; objective – public transport with walking used as joiner. Time for daily curious face re: lady boys then wafts of nostalgia triggered by various corners (locations of past singing, shouting, falling). The stand is destination for play about shouting and Russians with Phil Nicol Bruce Morton and Jim Muir . Blood everywhere. Home next via paraphrasing to pick up digital controllers left on charge. Stage time come next details sketchy. Focus reduced by Hocus. Fuzzy memory leads to indistinct sleep. Stop. Repeat.

I missed you Edinburgh.

No I didn’t.

PLAY

2009-08-11T17:18:00.001+01:00

So - i’m doing this play at the mo - as well as my own show. Gagarin way it’s called – it’s very political and quite violent. A couple of things have happened.

1. Bruce had his nose broken two days before the show (unrelated accident)

2. Bruce had a hole put into his head during a pistol whipping practice ten min before curtain - he went on though –(superstar)

3. Jim knocked the pendant light off the ceiling during a scene. It hit Phil, burst his blood pack and went off into the crowd

4. An audience member sat with his head in his hands in the front row so at curtain call, jim flipped him the finger an inch from his face

5. I sprayed a woman in beige with blood

6. Two kids got blood on their face

7. My upper arm looks like Jupiter cause of all the bruises

It’s been eventful. I can’t help thinking though – what’s next and will it involve my teeth.