WILLIAM ANDREWS

The pair of them have known for a while but today channel 4 announced officially that they have been given a series.  It’s pande-bloody-monium round our house, I can’t think for party poppers popping.

This is a rare treat -- got hold of this from a bunch of betas being thrown out. It shows the title from the original zucchini show and the titles form the last, just when Suzi Squash was back in the role after her daughter's accident and the coke bust up. Just shows how much tv changed in those years -- and the perennial nature of the show -- somehow always hanging on despite the back stage dramas.

INT. CHURCH HALL

RICO

Ladies, ladies. Why so aggressive? Be smile. Loosen up your bodies. Loosen your bodies with Rico. 

Grams Latin music

RICO(CONT'D)

 We dance

ANNA

Sorry?

RICO

Tonight we dance. There is no woman there is no man, there is only one sex! Now dance.

KATY

I’m sorry but no

RICO

Ok. Then we eat. We eat like lovers, lie down.

ANNA

No!

RICO

Then we drink. Let us drink. Drink like lovers. 

ANNA

Stop it you horrible man

KATY

Yes stop it.

RICO

Ok. Then tonight I will leave. With passion.

He goes to leave - Claps his hands and the music stops

RICO (CONT'D) 

You wanna buy a monkey? Lie down. 

ANNA AND KATY

No!

RICO

Ok. Bye bye.

Rico come back on stage holding his stomach

RICO

AAAAAAGGGGGHHH

KATY

What’s wrong Rico?

RICO

Oh I eat too much an drink too much and do too much dancing. Lying down. I  have the stomach ache of a lover.

ANNA

Well you only have yourself to blame

RICO

I can’t hear you. Come lie down beside me. i can only hear you when i am inside you.

ANNA

Go away you horrible little man

RICO

Ok I go. I sold the monkey by the way. I don’t suppose you want all his things. He has three top hats but I wouldn’t let him take them. Monkeys need discipline. And bananas. God I miss him.